Let’s be honest – money has always added a layer of complexity to relationships. But when you are the one bringing home the bigger paycheque, things can get even more interesting. We’ve all heard the saying, “money is power,” but let’s flip that on its head. What happens when you become the higher earner? Does it create tension, or does it hand you the power to redefine what it means to be in a partnership?

For many women, out-earning their partner should feel like a badge of honour – a clear sign that we’re excelling in our careers. We’re achieving goals, building wealth, and taking charge of our financial futures. But here’s the catch: as empowering as it is, societal norms can still make us feel a little... weird. But why should it?

Flip the script

For centuries, the "breadwinner" role was reserved for men, but guess what? That’s old news. Women now make up nearly 50% of the global workforce and, in many cases, we’re out-earning our male counterparts. In the UK, nearly one in four households (27.6%) now has a woman earning the same or more than her male partner – a huge shift from where we were just a few decades ago​ (Source: Royal London*).

This isn’t just about ‘breaking through the glass ceiling’ at work – it’s about redefining what it means to contribute and lead in every aspect of life, including relationships. We no longer need to conform to outdated ideas of who should “provide” or “protect.” We’re doing it all, but how does that play out in the context of romance?

Feeling uncomfortable?

Some of us might feel uncomfortable about being the breadwinner. Let’s be clear: there’s no reason to downplay your success, but it can be an interesting dynamic to experience. Being the higher earner is an achievement, not a burden, but for centuries men have been told that they need to be the ‘provider’, so what does it then look like when that is no longer needed in the traditional sense. The idea that we might be “emasculating” our partners is rooted in outdated gender roles that have no place in today’s world, but the reality is that we are still navigating this and sometimes it can be delicate. If anything, being a financial leader in your relationship should make you feel more empowered, not less, but that’s not always the case.

What about men?

It’s true that some men may feel uncomfortable when their partner earns more. After all, societal expectations don’t just put pressure on women – they affect men, too. Imagine being told your income needs to provide for not only yourself, but your partner and potential children… It's a lot of pressure regardless of gender, and that’s how men have felt for generations.

In a survey by The Money and Mental Health Institute, 65% of men reported feeling anxious or stressed if they couldn’t meet traditional expectations of being the provider. But this is where we can begin to shift the narrative, and start having conversations around mutual respect and shared goals and value based systems, instead of simply who earns more.

Power dynamic?

The concept of a power dynamic in a relationship doesn’t have to exist if we don’t allow it. In fact, earning more can empower you to shape your relationship in new and meaningful ways. Financial independence can shift the narrative from moving in together out of necessity—like splitting bills—to choosing it because it’s the right emotional step for both of you. If you're looking to invest in your future or take control of your financial decisions, now is the perfect time. As contributors, we can not only be part of these discussions but also take the lead in them.

According to a recent Forbes study, 86% of couples with aligned financial goals and habits tend to have more successful relationships (which harps back to the value based sentiment of goal planning and not just dollar figures).

If you're thinking of teaching your partner about saving or investing, you have access to these tools through The Curve and other resources that generations before us did not have.. But remember, it's not about control—it's about creating balance. Open communication is key to ensuring that, regardless of who earns more, both partners feel equally involved in the financial decisions that shape their future together.

How to have empowering money conversations:

The idea of earning more (or less) than your partner doesn’t have to feel weird! The key is to talk about it openly and honestly. Here are a few questions to ask your partner that can help you both work through any financial awkwardness:

"How do you feel about the way we handle money?"

"Should we figure out a system that works for us?"

"Who’s calling the shots on financial decisions?"

"What are we working toward, money-wise?"

 Earning more?

Let’s be clear: your paycheque doesn’t define your worth. If you’re earning more than your partner, it doesn’t mean you’re a harder worker, more intelligent or driven. Some people work equally hard, love their job, but don’t earn much. Whatever your dynamic, respecting the others choice or career (and therefore earning capacity) is essential.

Remember, there are many things you contribute to a relationship, and your income is just one of them. The most important dynamic is the one where both of you feel valued, respected, and heard.

Ready to open up the conversation about money in your relationship? Fill out our latest anonymous survey on money and relationships – because talking about it is the first step.

Click to take the survey.

References:

*Royal London - Rise of the female breadwinner​ (Royal London)
*House of Commons Library - The Gender Pay Gap​ (House of Commons Library)
*Stats NZ - Gender Pay Gap​ (Stats NZ)

*Money and Mental Health Institute, 2019 Survey.